3 Tips for Managing Feedback
I recently presented a Be Kind to Your Mind mental wellness session at a staff meeting, and the feedback comments were overwhelmingly positive – except for one. That one opinion that was less than glowing, related to a problem that was totally out of my control.
Can you guess which piece of feedback stuck in my mind for the rest of the day? You got it – the negative one!
Whatever we do in life, there’s no way we can go for long without getting some criticism. Whether founded or unfounded, it’s part of the deal when it comes to being at the forefront of our field and is especially common in the education sector as we navigate the opinions of colleagues, management, parents and students.
Neuroscience tells us clearly why we are so tuned in to negative feedback – our brains are hardwired to look out for threats. While someone saying they don’t like some detail of the lesson we just gave, or the strategic plan we are suggesting doesn’t seem like a threat to our livelihood or very existence, our brain and body can’t necessarily tell the difference.
In this “threat mode,” the frontal lobe of our brain doesn’t work at its optimal level. I call this “So-Bob,” where, “Stressed out Brains are Offline Brains.” Just when we need our fully functioning brain to help us problem-solve to deal with the challenge, it’s gone offline!
Being Kind to Our Minds when the pressure is on, is more than just a nice idea. It’s about understanding what is happening in our bodies and responding in a way that can set us up to get the results we truly want.
I have three words I use to help process negative feedback in a way that allows for growth.
MARINATE – MODERATE – MITIGATE
Marinate: Take some time! Don’t rush your response. Your body will be on high alert and that email reply you have written in the heat of the moment, or the response that’s on the tip of your tongue might not be productive in the long run. Put your response ‘in the fridge’ to cool down until you have had a chance to process it.
Moderate: Put the feedback in context. Who is it from? Does their opinion actually matter? Is this someone who makes a habit out of complaining about everything? Are there some other circumstances at play that have nothing to do with you?
Mitigate: None of us want to intentionally set ourselves up for criticism, so to mitigate that moving forward, what can you take on board from the feedback given? If it’s warranted and constructive, use it to shape your next moves. If it’s frivolous, you may still be able to glean a growth edge out of it to improve your work going forward. People who are prepared to put themselves forward to educate, lead and take risks will always come up for criticism. Learning to handle it well is a great way to Be Kind to Your Mind.