Enduring more than two years of managing and leading a school through a pandemic had taken its toll, and I knew it. I had slowly lost my motivation and joy for my work, and my internal chatter had become increasingly negative. I found myself becoming less and less tolerant each day. As a result of too much adrenaline and cortisol pumping through my body every day, I had forgotten how it felt to be calm, happy and content. I didn’t know the stress my workload had taken until I slowed down – all the way down – and took time for myself during a ten week sabbatical.
During this period of rejuvenation, I intentionally made positive changes to my life. I ate healthily, exercised daily, read countless books, wrote in my journal and pottered around my home. I painted a fence around our house, bought a coffee from Starbucks every day and sat in solitude in the sun. It was the first real break I’d had in six years. It was during this time of rest that I realised what activities and practices made me feel well and happy. I began the journey of incorporating these activities and practices into my daily life. My focus turned to where I derived my energy and what depleted it.
During my time away from work I came to understand this about well-being:
- We are responsible for our own well-being. We are the only ones who know what we need to feel happy and healthy. No one person or thing can ever compensate us for ignoring our own needs.
- For each individual, wellbeing looks very different. A one-size-fits-all approach does not exist. Each of us is such a unique being and each of us has unique needs. No two people have the exact same values, beliefs, goals or personality, so certain aspects of wellbeing may be more or less important to one person than they are to another. Taking a walk in nature might be my daily wellbeing fix, while socialising with friends or family might be yours.
- We need to know what our personal definition of wellbeing is. What does it look like and feel like for me? How do I feel when I’m well? What brings me joy, happiness, contentment? What gives me energy?
We can’t improve our wellbeing unless we know what it is. - Those activities that we identify as important to our wellbeing need to be prioritised, and scheduled daily and weekly. Wellbeing should not be confined to
the weekends and school holidays. Wellbeing is an everyday act of self-compassion, commitment and consistency. Having returned to work, I’ve started getting up every morning at 5am to meditate, journal and write a gratitude list. By doing so, I am able to start my day on a positive note. - We need to ask for what we want. Upon my return to school, I had a few requests to ask my Board. It was necessary for me to make those changes in order to fulfil my potential as a senior leader. One of my requests was asking the Board to pay for my own leadership coach for six months. I wanted someone to talk to confidentiality (outside of education) that was neither a mentor nor a counsellor, who would support me to challenge myself with intentional thought, action and behaviour.
- Compassion towards oneself is just as important as compassion towards others. I read a lot of Kristin Neff’s research during my break and came to fully understand and embrace the three elements of self-compassion: Kindness – to myself; Common Humanity – this is a shared experience; and Mindfulness – feeling the feels without trying to suppress or deny them.
As a senior leader, I need to provide service from a place of overflow, not deficit, to everyone on site.
We are more capable of handling those times when we are pushed to our limits, either by a hectic schedule or an unexpected event, if we can bank our energy and keep our wellbeing cup overflowing.
Everyone benefits when we take care of ourselves.
According to Dr Kristin Neff, it is a myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, research shows that when you give yourself what you need, when you give yourself the resource of kindness, support and understanding, you actually have more to give others.
Wellbeing is neither a quick fix nor a short term pathway. It is life long and intentional. The key to wellbeing is knowing what you need to be well, committing to those practices and being consistent in your daily routines and habits.