How Will You Get There?
Have you ever noticed that kids are great at role play? They easily get in the flow of another character and assume the identity that he/she/they portray. Research has shown that the more kids get into ‘role’ and the more they feel that character, the more powerful an ally the identity, often a superhero, can be in their lives. They are able to call on it almost at will and use the ‘powers’ of that identity to help move them forward. Teenagers continue to experiment with and try out different identities in order to find out who they are and what they are capable of achieving. As adults, we tend to think of our identity as being more fixed. This is a bit of a misnomer as our identity is actually quite fluid and can change depending on where we are and who we are with.
Exploring this subject with my students gave me pause to wonder whether identity could help me to understand why some parts of our lives can flow so well and some parts, not so much! We all have goals that we want to achieve and sometimes they seem a little unreachable or we block ourselves in some way. It is here that I have found how a new perspective on the subject of identity can help enormously.
It strikes me that we assume different identities continuously in our lives. We are the mother, the father, the leader, the boss, the diligent worker, the athlete, the speaker, the author, the party animal, the recluse, the taxi driver, the social worker, the loyal friend. These identities are slipped into without us thinking much about them. This is (and always has been) a natural human gift and can be used as a tool for moving ourselves forward.
I will use myself as an example. At work, I am my optimal self: energetic, positive, well balanced, open and generally joyous. I am so because I want the students in my care to get the very best of me, because they deserve it. It also seems to come naturally to me. It is my work identity. I can put it on like a cloak as soon as I walk through the doors in the morning. There are, however, other parts of my life that I find more challenging. Why is this and how can looking at my identity in those areas help me? Let’s take health and fitness as an example. I realised a while ago that I was struggling in this area. When I analysed my identity in this context, I clearly saw that I didn’t identify as someone who was healthy and well. (To be honest, it was something that I always thought I would get around to later!) No wonder that things were falling apart! I realised I could take the work I had done about identity with the kids I teach to help me in this other area of life.
The power of this was two fold. Firstly, by understanding how healthy people identify themselves, I was able to work out what this looked like in my life and clearly see where I wanted to go. I had direction. Secondly, I then had a framework on which to hang the changes I needed to make to see this identity flourish. I was able to clearly see the baby steps, the activities I needed to engage in regularly, which would lead me closer and closer to the new identity I held before myself. I had to change my habits and then build new ones.
I found a great book on the subject – interesting how books sometimes fall into your hands at exactly the moment that you need them! The book is titled, The Alter Ego Effect, by Todd Herman. His work demonstrated to me that I was on the right track. As Todd says, “This identity trick can be applied to any area of your life that you want to enhance.” Is there a place in your life you are not showing up as your best? Do you want to find your ‘flow’ more easily? Do you want to be a better wife, girlfriend, friend, mother, boss or team player? Do you want a better level of fitness? Would you like to study more? Whatever it is that you want, working out what identity you need to incorporate into your being or what identity will get you to your goal can be of tremendous value. It has an almost magical effect of overriding the things that stand in your way. You will likely find that this identity was actually part of you all along!