The Answer is, “Because!”
When taking a psychology course in college, the instructor gave us a final. On the board, he wrote the question, WHY? We all had our blue books (Those who are older will remember these!) and most of us looked stunned. One student finished in less than five minutes and turned in his blue book. When grades were posted on the wall outside the teacher’s office, he got an “A” on the final! Some of us found the student who received the “A” in such a short time. There had been over one hundred students in the class. We asked what his answer was to the question. His response was, “Because.”
Most of us wrote pages and pages of what we could remember from the class. Some of us received an “A,” some of us a “B,” and a few got a “C.” I don’t know if there were lower grades from other students. As I reflect on that experience fifty years ago and completing the training at the WHY Institute, it now resonates with me. When you know your WHY and what attracts you, you are more engaged and committed to an idea, project or colleague that wants the same thing.
Some questions occurred to me for you to consider:
- What is your WHY?
- How do you accomplish your WHY?
- What do you want to accomplish?
Eric Barker wrote this in his book, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: “The old saying is true: ‘You regret most the things you did not do.’” Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University found that people are twice as likely to regret a failure to act. Why? We rationalise our failures, but we can’t rationalise away the stuff we never tried. Simply doing more means greater happiness when we’re older – and cooler stories for the grandkids!
James Baldwin once wrote, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Understanding your ‘WHY’ can help discover the reason some things become so important and why you are attracted to specific jobs, avocations and/or people. When in alignment with your ‘WHY’ it feels right.
Another passage from Eric Barker’s book that spoke to me is:
“As the WSJ reports, ‘Those who stayed very involved in meaningful careers and worked the hardest, lived the longest.’” Meaningful work means doing something that’s (a) important to you and (b) something you’re good at. Plenty of research shows that if you do the things you’re uniquely good at (psychologists call them “signature strengths”), they’re some of the most significant happiness-boosting activities of all. A Gallup study reported, “The more hours per day Americans use their strengths to do what they do best, the less likely they are to report experiencing worry, stress, anger, sadness or physical pain.”
When we are barking up the wrong tree our energy, time and resources may be wasted or have less impact. There may be less of a commitment to common goals which can result in more stress. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are always getting ready to live, but never living.” The current pandemic is forcing us to find ways of living to balance our working to live. I am reminded of the story of the “Five Balls.”
We are all juggling five balls: Work, Family, Health, Friends and Integrity. The work ball is made out of rubber. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four (Family, Health, Friends and Integrity) are made out of glass. If you drop them, they can get chipped, cracked or broken into many pieces and are not able to be put back together. The message is to be careful not to drop the four balls made of glass.
Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, asked people in the last twelve weeks of their lives to share their top regrets. Three of the top five were related to relationships.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and missed my children’s youth and my partner’s companionship.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
Eric Barker, in his recent post titled The Lazy Way to An Awesome Life: 4 Secrets Backed by Research, provide four suggestions. This is how to be better at adulting and dodge the midlife crisis:
- Meaning > Happiness: To increase your happiness, ditch “your” and “happiness.” Focus on “others” and “meaning.”
- Less Amelioration, More Joy: All defense and no offense is not how you win. That’s how you lose slowly.
- Endless Options Are a Trap: Options always seem appealing but closing off options is what leads to happiness. Choosing is meaningful.
- Enjoy The Process: If it’s all about the end result, you’re stuck on the treadmill. Define what you do in a way that helps you enjoy the journey. Changing dirty diapers isn’t joyous, but the process of parenting is.
My wish for you is to find your WHY, HOW and WHAT. The answer is BECAUSE.