A Three-Point Framework To Reduce Fear
Soon, we will be able to reconnect with our fellow colleagues and our students as we see the restrictions being relaxed by the government. Red light? Green light? Maybe some of them will be stuck at an “Orange light,” unsure which way they should be travelling. As we ponder the challenges associated with returning to work, maybe we should think about the challenges others are facing. Is there a way that we can help people to feel safer as they tentatively return to school?
I had the privilege of launching my latest book, “Leading From The Stop.” It coincided with the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York, USA. The book is about the leadership and resilience lessons learned from the people of Newfoundland, Canada in the aftermath of 9/11. You see, I was flying on one of the 38 planes that was diverted to Gander International Airport as a result of the terrorist attacks in NYC and DC. In fact, it was the day that the world came to a grinding halt. We ended up spending 24 hours in the plane, on the tarmac before they allowed us to disembark. We were given strict instructions to take our carry-on luggage. The rest of our possessions would stay in the hold of the airplane.
Without any further direction, we were ushered onto buses and transported to Gambo, a small community of 2,000, where we stayed a further four days, courtesy of the Salvation Army. It was a difficult time, fraught with fear and uncertainty. Yet we managed to transition safely through this.
In the book, I share a story that I think is relevant to what is going on today. Please indulge me as I share it again here…
It was an ordinary Tuesday. I was in town for a meeting when my phone buzzed. Waiting till my meeting had finished, I checked and saw that it was a text from my wife, Kay asking: “R u available sometime this arvo for a meeting with Darrell?” This was not a good message to
receive.
“Darrell,” to whom the text referred, was the principal of the high school that my children attended. I went through the mental checklist. My two eldest daughters as adults, living in Christchurch, were discounted out of the equation. Of my two younger children, my daughter had already graduated high school and was due to start at university. That only left my youngest – my son Nicholas.
I tried calling my wife, but each call ended in voicemail prison, so with a sense of disappointment and anxiety, I
texted her back. “Sounds ominous. Just tried to call your mobile and your office number. Please call me when you’re able.”
When you get invited to attend a meeting with your child’s principal, you know that something is up. I ran through a series of potential reasons in my mind… Was there a fight? Did someone get hurt? Was there spilling of blood involved? Did he win!??
By the time we entered the Principal’s office a few hours later, we were reassured that Nicholas was not in trouble. The reason that we were asked in was that one of his teachers had noticed that he was rather lethargic and had become disconnected in the classroom. Nicholas had fallen back in his contributions and wanting to help him, she instigated a meeting with Nicholas and the Principal. During this initial meeting, Nicholas was asked if his attention was being distracted by his smartphone. He acknowledged that he was using it for Instagram, YouTube and the like, but hadn’t connected this with his changed engagement in class. When challenged on how much time he was spending on his device, Nicholas estimated it to be between 60 – 90 minutes. The ‘Digital Wellbeing’ report on his phone revealed that it was between five and six hours per day!
Principal Darrell’s youngest son was in the same class as Nicholas and it transpired it was common amongst young adults that they drastically underestimated the amount of time they actually spent on their smartphones.
Having taken his son through a similar conversation, Darrell helped Nicholas to become aware that the gulf between perception and reality were immense.
Our meeting with Darrell concluded as he pointed us towards some strategies and Apps that we could install onto Nicholas’s smartphone to help him manage, control and monitor the amount of time he spent online. When we returned home that evening, Kay and I arranged for Nicholas to join us in my home office, where we had a heartfelt conversation. Sitting around the coffee table, Nicholas in the armchair directly in front of me and Kay to my left and Nicholas’s right.
I cleared my throat, and said, “Nicholas, let me kick off by stating three things. Number one – you’re not in trouble. Number two – we believe in you. And number three – we’re here to help.” I knew that it was important to frame our conversation and to ensure that Nicholas knew that he was in a safe space.
We talked through the issues and came to an agreement that Nicholas would allow us to download the App onto his phone, limiting his screen time to a maximum of an hour a day, Monday through Friday and 2 hours on the weekend.
There was a sense of relief from Nicholas as he acknowledged that he had been feeling like he had had little control regulating his behaviour and his emotions. What had been set in place would aid him with this and drawing the meeting to its natural conclusion, I re-iterated to Nicholas that there were three things:
1. You’re not in trouble.
2. We believe in you.
3. We’re here to help.
As you find your staff, your colleagues, or even your students sheepishly returning to school, bear in mind that for them, their world has come to a stop – again – because of Delta. Whether they were away from school for a few weeks, or over 85 days, adjusting to normality can be a challenge for many. Who knows what narrative they have been hearing? Vaxxed vs unvaxxed. Algorithms on social media that might
have fuelled a constant barrage of content, reinforcing a viewpoint. Or worse still, spending 1pm hooked to the TV, fuelling the fear that has now taken a hold inside of them.
So, let me encourage you to consider this simple, three-pronged framework to help people feel safe when they
return to the classroom:
1. They’re not in trouble.
2. You believe in them.
3. You’re here to help.