Controlling Your Choices
“Never deprive someone of hope. It may be all
[they] have.”
— H. Jackson Brown
These are very difficult times. Health issues, individual financial problems and family concerns are still swirling. Racial issues are causing most of us to re-examine our thoughts of equality, equity and systemic racism. Many are asking, “Is positive change possible?” The answer? YES! But it takes effort and action on our part. It is easy to go into the “Doom Loop.” In a 2004 article that appeared in Fast Company, the author noted that when things are not going well, many of us experience fear and anger. When hope fades, negative thoughts and feelings start occupying more of our attention and attitude.
Combining the work of Marshall Goldsmith’s book Triggers, and Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habits, here is a formula to consider: Trigger – Routine – Result. Some event happens to us, we go into a response loop and we get an outcome. Do this many times and it becomes automatic.
Think about a person close to you. They say something, maybe a complaint. You respond like you always do – walk away without dealing with the issue, but walk away still feeling unsatisfied. We can’t control the triggers in life. What we can control is the routine we choose that gets us the same result.
Here is an acronym for HOPE that may help to change our routines in combating negative thoughts or events that trigger emotions and behaviours.
H.O.P.E.
H – Honesty and Humility Be honest about what is happening, results that we are getting and what we want to change. If we cannot take a ruthless assessment of reality, the chance of change is limited. Have humility to listen, learn and lead actions that will get better results. As a white male, in order to learn, I want to ask questions of others who are not like me. That is how I learn from different cultures and perspectives.
O – Optimism and Options Martin Seligman, UPenn, has written extensively about Positive Psychology and Learned Optimism. This is not happy talk. Talk to people you trust to see what they do in similar situations. Create multiple ways to get to a goal. Develop emotional agility to use those options when needed. Ask others how they deal with disappointment, delusion and diversion. Find people who have found good options staying away from the Doom Loop.
P – Personal and Persisting What can I do to help myself and others to find positive responses to long-term problems? Start with what you can do and enlist others to join you. I recommend the book Beyond Ally, by Akbar. We need allies and advocates. No more standing by, hoping things will get better and giving no effort for change. Persist with actions that will contribute to a more equitable education and
community. Strong values require constancy of purpose.
E – Efficacy and Equity Efficacy is the belief that we can make a difference and then take action to do something. Ibram X. Kendi stated in his book, How to be an Antiracist, “One who is supporting an antiracist policy through their actions or expressing an antiracist idea.” If we want to change it, take actions that dismantle systemic biases and support what helps with equity. Change to make life better
for all. Equity is NOT Equality. Equality is giving everyone the same.
Equity is supporting people in what they each need to be successful. This is different from equality where everyone gets the same. Too often, we confuse the two terms. If you haven’t noticed, people are different! We all come from different backgrounds, families and circumstances. Not everyone needs or wants the same to be their best.
There is plenty of research that says having diverse perspectives yields better decisions and are more effective. At Pixar, the company gets the most vocal people in a room. Brad Bird said, “Give me the misfits and mavericks.” I’ll produce the best results when all ideas are in the room.
Pixar produces Oscar winning films by using conflict as an energy source. Of course, there has to be psychological safety in order to get the best ideas. Nobody wants to be an outcast in their organisation. That goes for staff and students.
The organisation, be it a classroom, department, school, district or community must have more than knowledge. Knowledge is important and insufficient but there must be actions that support diverse points of view and have the ability to communicate different ideas effectively. When we are listened to, taken seriously and know that people have a genuine interest in your point of view, people’s hope will come alive and stay alive. Then, and only then, will those people give all they have and are capable of contributing.
Here’s the challenge: Do something. Do one thing differently that will contribute a positive outcome. Albert Einstein once said, “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.” Another applicable thought from Scott Russell Sanders is, “Memory grips the past and hope grips the future.” Join me in gripping the future for better schools, communities and our society as a whole.