I am sure you will agree that if our thoughts can determine our actions and how we live our lives, then it would be best if we encourage our children and young people to have positive thoughts about themselves. Easier said than done, you may say, but not impossible. Helping to build self-belief in your students could be one of the most empowering strategies you use to help in their pursuit for success.
Do you find it frustrating when a student:
• Seems to find excuses not to do a task he is perfectly capable of doing?
• Procrastinates until the last minute to study or complete a project set weeks previous?
• Eagerly starts a new task, only to have that initial enthusiasm wane?
• Says that he “can’t” do something?
• Appears to be tired, or lazy, on a consistent basis?
• Doesn’t seem to realise the high achievement potential he has?
The reason could be that he just doesn’t believe he can achieve something and achieve it well. This is the result of his low level of self-belief. Let’s keep things simple. I suggest there are two key ingredients required to maintain a healthy self-belief:
Self Awareness + Self-Confidence = SELF-BELIEF.
Self-Awareness: If children consciously know that they are unique, and they each have special gifts and skills, then they are on the path to positive self-belief. They can start by reminding themselves of past achievements (so often they get into the habit of focusing on their failures instead) and how they demonstrate their values and personality.
Self-confidence: There is so much spoken and written about this part of our whole selves these days, and how important it is to ensure a child’s success in life. As parents and teachers, we find ourselves concerned when we see a child who doesn’t push themselves forward and take an opportunity that would bring them success. We tell ourselves that we know what they are capable of; they just need a little more confidence.
But the key question here is “What do children think of themselves?” What self-talk does a child speak aloud, or privately think in his head? Self-talk feeds the sub-conscious part of the brain, which can have the most effect upon a child’s short-term actions and consequently, long-term direction in life.
It is known that 50 percent of children’s belief systems are manifested in their minds by the time they are 4 years old. Whether or not these beliefs are positive or negative, knowing what a child believes about himself when they begin school will inform the teachers where a child’s mindset is. Oh, if it were that easy.
Dilemma
Have you noticed how some children begin their school-life enthusiastically, but as time goes by, that initial enthusiasm wanes? Negativity has begun to creep into their minds, through messages they receive and believe. These messages can come from other students, teachers or parents, but most important, they come from themselves. Even if they have been given a negative comment by an outsider, they may choose to accept that comment, and once it becomes manifested in their mind, through repetition, it becomes a belief.
Example: Young Sam excitedly started school. He took his reading book home each night and was praised constantly that he was very clever and could read very well. All good. He felt confident that he could read perfectly well. One day, though, as he was sitting with his peers, he noticed that there were two or three other children, who were reading a whole lot better than he could, and he began doubting his capabilities, and thinking that maybe he wasn’t as good at reading as he thought. He decided he wasn’t as clever as they were. These thoughts soon were replaced with even more negativity such as: “I am not a good reader at all;” “I didn’t know the answer to that question, but those other kids did; mmmm, I’m not as clever as they are;” “People are kidding me, telling me I can read, when obviously I can’t.”
Can you see where this is leading?
The downward spiral had begun. Sam’s mind had started up its own “comparing me to them” neural pathway; a common human trait. He had actually begun to believe he could not read well. Massey University researchers James Chapman and Bill Tunman discovered that some children begin doubting their individual abilities by the end of their first year at school. Chapman discusses the concept of self-belief when he states that some 5-year olds actually believe they do not have the brain skills deemed necessary to learn.
As time goes by, this lack of self-belief manifests itself in their minds, transferring to other academic areas. Before too long, this continued negative belief system becomes a habitual way of thinking, which is destined to ensure that significant potential will be limited, or untapped altogether, in the future. What a waste! By the time our young people reach 20 years of age, 95 percent of their belief systems are hard-wired into their thinking processes.
You see, it’s actually perception. Children can perceive they are not good at anything academic, when they think, until they believe, that other children are more clever or brainy than themselves.
Solution
While you and I cannot undo negative neuro-pathways in the brain, we can put some effort into creating stronger, positive ones. Here are some simple daily actions that we can take to feed our younger minds with positive self-belief :
• Tell them how amazing they are, several times a day, because they are! This feeds their minds positive thoughts and in time, builds confidence.
• Remind them what they have achieved in the past; the message here is that because they have been successful in the past, they can be successful again, perhaps in a different way. This is a great tool for building personal power and resiliency.
• Focus upon what the child can do rather than what they cannot (yet) do. This is an example of energising the will to succeed, and a love for learning.
• Check that the child compares himself to only himself, and not necessarily to others. This is where human nature’s concept of comparing ourselves with others can destroy one’s self-efficacy.
• Do not accept phrases such as “This is too hard” or “I can’t do it.” The power of the tongue is greater than we may realise, and what we speak is a result of our thoughts. Reverse these excusing statements with powerful, positive beliefs instead; e.g.: “I can spell all words with ease.”
• Deliver “Why” and “What if” type questions with the response, “How can we find out?” and let them do the thinking; this gives the students empowerment and ownership of their learning.
• Speak positively about our own school experiences.
• Model our own genuine belief in others. Children will eventually support each other with praise and encouragement.
And if we choose to model the practical strategies above for ourselves, we will probably discover our own self-belief will rise up beyond our expectations as well.