I recently read an article on how to raise non-competitive kids. In essence the author was saying that competitiveness was a learned behaviour, not an instinct and that it undermines self-esteem, destroys relationships, thwarts productivity, and discourages excellence. I read the article twice in case I was misinterpreting what was written, but that wasn’t the case.
I don’t believe competitiveness is learned, I think it is a basic survival instinct in many ways, from the early days when cavemen had to compete for food and shelter to now, when individuals have to compete for employment or a place on a team.
I can understand that misdirected competitiveness can be detrimental to a person’s self esteem. If you constantly compare yourself to others then there is every chance you are going to come up short against someone. And, if that someone is a friend or partner then, yes, it is a factor that is likely to damage or destroy a relationship.
I would query whether or not this would be detrimental to productivity or deter excellence asIthinkadrivetodowellorbethebestcan actually enhance both productivity and excellence if it is managed well.
I would suggest that competition be encouraged in all areas of life, from school through to the workplace and in extracurricular activities, but I would also suggest that we encourage our students to see themselves as their main competition, not their friends and classmates. The greatest measure of success is to improve on your own last result and the biggest builder of self-esteem will be the setting and meeting of personal goals. Not necessarily being top of the class, number one try scorer or fastest cross country runner, but being able to look at your own results and decide exactly what you want to achieve next and how you will do it.
The article I read came up with the following tips, which I thought I would share with you, but put my own interpretation on, as I couldn’t agree with what the author was proposing in every case!
Ditch organised sports – I absolutely disagree with this one. Sport for kids is not just a matter of competition, it teaches them teamwork, discipline, how to lose and how to have individual and group goals. The skills a child will learn through sport will stand them in good stead all through their life. We cannot pretend the adult world is not competitive and we are not doing our children any favours by saying otherwise.
Ditch competitive board games – again, why would you do this? This is another situation in which the child will learn valuable skills – tactics, forward planning etc. which will encourage development. As a parent or teacher your role should be to assist the child (not play for them, just make suggestions and allow them to have the final decision on what move they will play) until they reach a point where they are able to play competently alone.
Pay attention to praise – I do agree with this point – praise should not be conditional on success, nor should it be meaningless. Find something in your child’s performance that you can praise (‘your tennis serve went in ten times more than the last match’, ‘you breathed to both sides properly on your freestyle’) before you criticise anything – and think about whether there is any need for criticism, constructive or otherwise, or if instead you can address areas that need improvement in the next practice session without making a big deal about them when the child might be feeling down already.
Encourage co-operation – help the children to realise that by playing as a team they are more than the sum of their parts. Co-operation and co-ordination will give results every time, playing as an individual won’t benefit the team.
Get involved – make sure you know what is going on with any areas of competition your child/pupil is involved in so that you can monitor the behaviour and progress of individuals and teams. Have a good oversight of the situation.
Be a good role model – this would go without saying I hope! Let the children see you lose gracefully, make it clear to them that whilst you’re not 100% happy with the result you take responsibility for it and you are going to do what you can to get an improvement at the next match/race etc. Similarly, when you win, win gracefully, congratulate the opposition and don’t overdo the victory celebrations! Children learn from those they admire, make sure they admire you most.
Finally, I can only add my own observations of competition in the classroom and how it can lead to achievement, which is why I consider it vital to advancement. My youngest son had shown very little interest in maths and was not at all bothered about improving or making an effort until this year when his new teacher introduced a weekly numeracy challenge. The challenges are in boxes on a shelf and each child has a peg with their name on that is attached to the box of the challenge they are currently on. He now brings home his new challenge each Monday and religiously practises it every evening to make sure that come next Monday he can complete and pass his challenge. His aim is to catch up on one of his best friends and he is doing everything in his power to achieve that – we have even been having voluntary Mathletics sessions, something never heard of before! The introduction of the element of competition has worked wonders in this case and, although he wants to catch his friend, he understands that he is competing against himself and himself only, in his quest to do this.
So, encourage competition in the classroom, but make sure it is directed and managed so that the main source of competition is self not others and watch the children develop and shine.