Make the Intentional Choice Each Day
Which team are you on today? What CHOICE will you make?
Each and every day, in every interaction we have, we get to choose which team we are playing on. I often quote Haim G. Ginott when he talked about teachers having ‘a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous.’ We are blessed to have the power to choose our behaviour and that power comes with an enormous responsibility. This is as much a reminder for me as anyone.
Let’s unpack these team behaviours a little more:
Playing on the “A Team” is more likely to engender win-win solutions and lead to greater satisfaction for most, if not all, parties. We are more likely to have strong relationships with students and their families, which then leads to more teaching and learning time in our classrooms, instead of managing behaviour time.
Playing on the “B Team” is more likely to be unsatisfying for most, even miserable for some. Not much space for joy or relationships here. These are largely behaviours that are based on fear and/or control and not the best environment for anyone’s brain to be receptive for learning.
Let’s apply this to an example: One student has hit another student. Now the person concerned is sitting in the office and really unhappy about it. They are being generally disrespectful and unpleasant. The team you choose to join in this situation depends on what your end game is. Do you want to teach or punish the student? Do you want resolution or revenge? Are you looking for a long term solution or a quick fix? This is what I think the two teams might look like in this situation.
This is about being the best humans we can be as often as we can. But you know what? We won’t always get it right because we are humans with real lives and our own stuff that we are carrying. Sometimes, we’ll slip into “Team B” because it solves the immediate problem and that gives us a sense of relief, for a moment or two. Sometimes we will get caught up in the moment and just react instead of enacting our power of choice. One piece of advice I would offer is to learn what triggers you. I know for me, disrespect and deliberate unkindness are real triggers. They make me see red, and if I am not mindful in my righteous indignation, I react with the very behaviours that enraged me in the first place! Not cool. My hypocrisy is laid bare and the shame I feel is real. It doesn’t serve me or anyone else at that moment.
When we mess up, when we react instead of responding intelligently, then it is up to us to fix it. That’s what we expect of our students – and their brains aren’t even fully mature yet! So, we apologise, sincerely. We step up and own our stuff. We get honest. And we work on doing better next time, because there will be a next time for sure. It is our opportunity to show what doing better looks like.
“A Team” behaviour leads to learning – this takes time and energy. It’s not always going to be a quick easy fix, but as my friend, Karen Tui Boyes says, “You’ve got to go through hard to get to easy.” Going through the hard stuff of being on “Team A” builds trust, which is the glue that binds a community. I think it’s worth the effort.
The great thing is that today, tomorrow and every day that follows, we get to choose. What team are you choosing to be on today?