Choosing to be Our Best Despite the Circumstances
In the last few months, I have noticed that many people in our community are now so focused on surviving that they have forgotten what it means to thrive. Yes, 2020 has not been anything like we expected and yes, many are facing very challenging circumstances, but the longer people are in survival mode, the more reactive they become. Being in a state of constant reaction drives you even more into a state of survival. It is a vicious cycle.
Recently, I was reminded of William Glasser’s five basic needs:
- Survival – The centre of our human needs – having our physical needs met (food, water, warmth) and feeling safe.
- Belonging – This is about connection; being loved, supported and valued.
- Power – Feeling successful, competent, capable, acknowledged and respected.
- Fun – Play, inquiry, discovery and relaxation.
- Freedom – Control over yourself and your life – being able to do what you want without restrictions.
Hands up if dealing with COVID has challenged your basic needs. Mine’s up.
Not only have we had to come to terms with a global pandemic and all the safety issues that go with this, but we’ve had to figure out how to stay connected to others when we are physically distant, how to replicate online our normal face-to-face activities, how to exercise without gyms or sports fields and to holiday without the ability to jump on a plane to visit distant places. For many, this has been the first time in our lives when we have lost our freedom, through decisions made by those we elected to have authority over us. 2020 has been huge, and from what I am observing, we are really feeling it.
Whenever our basic needs are not being met we focus on survival. In this state, we will normally react in one of four ways: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Survival is a highly reactive state and as such, the quicker you can get out of it and become proactive, the better. So what can we do?
The first step is to recognise how COVID is impacting your ability to have your basic needs met. This will be different for every person, and what matters is how it impacts you. Once you have acknowledged this then you are in a much better place to make adjustments to manage its impact.
Second step is to focus on the ways you can get your needs met in our current reality. We cannot control the COVID levels but we can control our preparedness for them. We can’t control our ability to travel overseas to visit family, but we can control how we will use video conferencing to stay connected. We can’t control our ongoing participation in recreational activities but we can have a plan if the gyms close or we can’t play our favourite sport.
Step three is to choose to focus on what we do have, rather than what we don’t. Adopting an attitude of gratitude is really helpful when facing situations over which we have little control.
Finally develop an awareness of your survival response and when you observe yourself either fighting, fleeing, freezing or fawning, recognise it for what it is and figure out how to move from a reactive state to a proactive one.
A leader recently mentioned to me that there might be a fifth response to survival, which is flow. This is when people reach an acceptance of their circumstances and literally learn to flow with it. Perhaps when we get to the state of flow, it is possible to thrive even in the most challenging circumstances, remembering this is not a journey we have to make on our own.
