Parent Now so You Can be Friends Later
‘You can learn many things from your children. How much patience you have, for instance.’
–Franklin P Jones
As both my children move into their teenage years it has led my wife and I to think a lot more about discovering ways in which to navigate these tricky years of development for a young person, as well as for us as parents. I have had the pleasure over twenty-five years as an educator to work alongside, study or listen to many great experts on child development and parenting including Nigel Latta, the late Celia Lashlie, Ian Grant, John Badalament, Parents Inc., etc.
You would think that this wealth of knowledge, coupled with the day-to-day dealings I have with 350 teenage students would make me some kind of ‘parenting expert.’ The truth is far from that. I can, however, see that the age-old problem of parenting teenagers is as complicated
today as it has ever been.
We are witnessing a generational change in our society with issues such as climate change, Black Lives Matter, the Me Too movement, vaping, drugs, alcohol, social media and the list goes on. These universal issues are hard enough to navigate as an adult, let alone as a teenager. What has never changed, in my view, after many years of teaching and now fourteen years of parenting, is the need for positive parenting and dare I say it, parenting full stop!
According to a recent article published in kidshealth.org.nz entitled, ‘Parenting Teens – Relationships With Your Teenager,’ the author stated that, “The best parenting skill you can have is to simply act like one! In order for your kids to respect you, you must give them a person worth respecting.”
The thing I have always loved about educating Middle School students is the fact that I witness many changes, personal achievements, growth, success and in the vast majority, young men and women ready to move through to their adulthood. There is nothing better as a
teacher than having a former student reconnect in their twenties and thirties (I’m starting show my age now) and speak so positively about their successes, perhaps being a parent, succeeding in business or sport, etc.
The difficult part, however, is getting them through their teenage years – ultimately that comes back to us as parents. We must lead the way and work hard on parenting by setting the standards and expectations for our sons and daughters and stick to those standards. We have plenty of time in our child’s life to be their friend, but I would challenge parents of teenagers that during this time they need to positively parent their kids rather than trying to be their friends.
According to the Parenting Teens article mentioned above, “No parent can afford to fall into the habit of ignoring parental responsibilities simply because you want your teenager to love you. The way to be an effective parent is to take that responsibility seriously. And if you do a good job, your teenager will have many friends that are valuable, but you might not always be one of them.”
I saw a wonderful card in the bookshop the other day. It read, ‘Welcome to being the parent of a teenager. Prepare for a large amount of eye rolling, emotional outbursts and thoughts of running away. And that’s just the parents!’ Hang in there with your parenting. In my view, good parenting is good parenting and in the end, you will reap what you sow, so it’s best we work as hard as we can during the teenage years so we can appreciate our children as ‘friends’ in the future.
