Creating Your Identity

Be – Do – Have is a phrase that I learned many years ago at a workshop. The presenter talked about who do you need to BE in order to DO what you need to do to receive what you would like to HAVE.

This is about your identity. When working towards changing a habit or toward a particular goal, it is paramount to align who you are with your goals. This takes time and often deep reflection into your beliefs.

For example, if your goal is to be wealthy and you believe rich people are mean, you are likely to sabotage your efforts toward gaining wealth, assuming you want to remain a kind person. Understanding that money amplifies a person’s personality is key for this goal. If a person is mean to start with, money is likely to create more meanness. If they are generous before coming into money, it is highly likely they will be even more generous with money. I know many wealthy people who give millions away for positive impact in the world.

If your goal is to stop smoking, your identity will play a role here, too. If you tell people you have not had a cigarette for five days, your identity is one of a smoker. Changing your identity to a non- smoker is a major key to success.

When I wanted to be healthier and more vibrant, I needed to change my identity from someone who frequently ate sweet treats and deserved them because I work hard to someone who does not eat between meals, and who eats balanced and healthy meals three times a day.

Who do you need to BE to set yourself up for success?
Rowena McEvoy, co-founder of the Max College of Fitness, tells a story which goes like this:

Imagine you are at work and a detective comes into town with a mission to find out ‘who’ you are. She has a photograph of you and knows some of the local places you frequent. Armed with the photograph and a notebook, the detective visits the petrol station, supermarket, shopping mall and hairdresser you go to in order to inquire about you. She writes down the words people use to describe you. What do you think they might say?

She then goes to your home. As no-one is home, she carefully breaks inside. She looks around looking for clues as to who you are. She opens your pantry and fridge and examines the food you eat. Are the dishes left on the bench? Is there rubbish on the floor? Next she makes her way into your bedroom. Is the bed made? Are your clothes hung up? She looks under the bed, in your closet and notes down the words that describe your habits.

Whist this seems very invasive, and it is just a story, it illustrates that who we are in public may be different to who we are in private. Who is the real you? Whatever you answer to this question, stay calm. We are all a work in progress. I can personally vouch for the fact that if you came into my house unannounced, there will be dust on the coffee table, tiny cobwebs in some corners and my teens’ shoes and socks left on the lounge room floor!

The point is to take some time and think about who you want to be. What is your ideal identity?