I was talking with an interesting group of people recently about the leadership role of a head teacher, when someone made the comment that a change in school leadership plays a significant part in how the school is viewed by both the public and the parents of potential students. I reflected on this comment from both a behavioural and teacher perspective with regards to conflict situations. How does one person influence the whole to the extent that their behaviour is critical to the behaviour of the whole in dealing with conflict? Is this ‘leadership effect’ relevant to us as classroom teachers and if so, how can we effect change from the bottom up when it comes to conflict?
As caregivers, teachers or parents we may be functioning as leaders in our regular interactions with our children without conscious awareness. Whether we are showing them how to do something, explaining why they can’t do something or simply reading a story with them, we are possibly demonstrating leadership qualities. Some may say we are role modeling, but I would like to make a clear distinction between role modeling and leadership skills. Role modeling, as defined in education, is showing how a specific skill or practice is carried out in a particular situation (we often hear the term applied in the media to apply to general desirable qualities). Leadership, however, suggests that we are guiding and directing others towards a vision or group goal, which may also include elements of role modeling. Leadership is a generalised approach to guidance through our interactions that are focussed on a vision. Dyer says that a leader is someone who appreciates the long term effects of decisions and choices made in that moment and can see beyond the immediate situation – hence the idea that great leaders are global thinkers.
The traditional model of a leader appears to be the strong alpha male type who makes the key decisions and exerts a certain control
over a group, and has definitive ways of handling conflict. I guess we don’t have to look too far to see this model in action. Our movies are full of strong dynamic leaders who do lots with energy and gusto, frequently mowing down the opposition – literally – watch any Bruce Willis movie for evidence! Our society seems to struggle with the notion that a leader can be anything but a strong forceful person. Notice for example how we struggle with the CEO who appears to ‘do nothing’ for his exorbitant salary. We want to see him slaving away, sweating it out, directing people, and giving orders, getting things done! Yet the reality is frequently very different – an effective leader is often one who isn’t there in the spotlight, who stands back, notices what is working, applies the necessary actions, someone who frequently enables more than directs. This final feature may easily get over looked by many of us because we fail to notice what enabling looks like in action. We are busy looking for actions that fit with our interpretation of leadership, despite seldom liking this sort of approach when it comes to being led ourselves! Think of any great historical leaders, and whether you agree with their policies or not, they themselves were frequently understated in their overt actions, Ghandi, J.F Kennedy, Martin Luther, Nelson Mandella, Mother Theresa. We don’t see many of them sweating it out, gunning people down and getting things done with gusto. They knew what action to take and when, primarily because they had taken notice of what people wanted, especially when it came to conflict.
From a behavioural perspective the educator’s role is similar to that of an effective leader. An effective teacher stands back, observes behaviour (current learning) makes notes , provides the necessary ‘ingredients’ for behavioural change (future learning) and then assesses the results to see if progress is being made (maintained or generalised learning). They aren’t working hard or even doing much of the physical work, they are working smart using the environmental and technological forces at their disposal to work for them, guiding and directing as needed and providing the ever important measures to gauge effectiveness.
If we see ourselves as leaders within our classroom, it may help us to reconsider how we tackle everyday issues within the classroom and draw on our leadership skills to then renegotiate our role within the school environment.
When approaching any conflict situation, be it with a parent, colleague or child, if we see ourselves as leaders we will tend to focus on the bigger picture. This may include how to resolve the conflict for the greater good rather than from the ego-based ‘I’m right’ stance, how to help the other person feel heard and valued, while at the same time resolving the situation. This may mean reflecting on the long-term impact of any decision you make by quickly assessing the likelihood that the person will achieve what they want now.
Some potential conflict situations could be;
• Parent annoyed with child’s lack of progress
• Colleague feeling over worked and complaining to you
• Child refusing to eat their lunch
With each of the above situations, rather than berating the person for their actions or becoming defensive about your position, strive to understand the other person’s actions – consider why they are behaving this way. Use this additional understanding as the guide for what action to take. Through this we will come to better understand the person. The reason I personally feel this point is so valuable to teachers and parents is because it serves us to take this approach, more importantly perhaps it serves others. As Tony Robbins suggests, we need to ask better questions in order to know what type of action to take in the moment. In the above examples, the parent possibly only wants his child to be successful. So as a teacher we can then give examples of their child’s success, rather than defending our efforts to teach the child. The colleague possibly only wants to be heard, so we could try listening! The child refusing to eat maybe doesn’t like their food; again by asking what they like we can possibly make a connection with the parent, sharing this information and build a better relationship with both child and parent. It may all sound idealistic but if we really want to achieve results we need to consider ourselves as leaders, look at the bigger picture and change what we do.
I heard a story told by an Aikido sensei about an incident he encountered on a train that encapsulates this idea of leadership. An enraged drunken man was lashing out at people, causing fear and potential damage as he rampaged through a train. Having practiced the art of Aikido the young sensei had been told to use it only to defend others – take action only when necessary. He was ‘excited’ because here was his chance, surely now was the time to take action – people were in danger and this man needed taking down. Just as he prepared to employ his beloved martial art goading the man with looks and a beckoning finger, a seated old man called out to the rampaging drunk, saying, “What have you been drinking?” The drunk, caught off guard, faltered and in a roundabout way said, “What has that got to do with you?!” The old man replied ‘I love to drink sake, I bet it’s sake you’ve been drinking. My wife prepares me sake and we sit and drink together. I bet you have a loving wife who does the same.’ Suddenly the story progressed down a very different track to the one most people had begun to envisage, The final scene described by the Aikido sensei is of the drunken man sobbing with his head in the old man’s lap as the old man comforts him, telling him things will be sorted.
The old man took action, but perhaps not the sort of physical action many of us would expect. What is so powerful about this story is a potential conflict situation is defused by action and yet there are no winners and losers. The old man asked a better question – what does this man want? What can I give this man that he wants? Yet many of us would have said what this man needs is to be controlled, meeting force with force and possibly only escalating the problem. While there is no denying it was a dangerous situation and the old man faced a certain amount of risk, either way presented risks – only one way gave the man what he wanted, thereby more likely reducing the risk.
Perhaps leadership really can be found in all types of encounters and we are only beginning to recognise that one size doesn’t fit all – leaders are around us all the time and we can all blossom and act as leaders when needed, taking appropriate action that may or may not be noticed.
Moshe Feldenkrais said in so many words that as we grow and develop, what we do becomes the centre of focus rather than the person who does it. Eminent behaviourist Skinner believed that solving the world’s problems depends on us understanding human behaviour – what drives us to do what we do. So perhaps a philosophy of leadership really does start at the top – with someone who provides direction and a sense of unity, someone who listens to the group’s needs and values their contributions, someone who over-sees the group, but remains able to connect and relate to them. The true leader however is someone able to achieve this connection because through their interactions they have discovered what drives and motivates people – they know what they want!