It’s as simple as breathing

Letting go of tension

We all know that it’s those times when we’re stressed that we’re more likely to snap at our child. It’s impossible to be emotionally generous when we’re tense. That’s because we’re already half-way to fight, flight or freeze, so any childish behaviour pushes us over the edge. But life with children will always include childish behaviour, and life in the modern age is full of triggers that make us stressed.

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Of course, those triggers, be they tantrums or traffic jams, don’t actually make us tense. We make ourselves tense in response to them. It’s a choice. It may be hard to believe, but it’s entirely possible to breathe deeply and feel at peace during a traffic jam – or even a tantrum.

The easiest way to remind yourself to let go of tension is to breathe. Just breathe. Noticing our breathing brings us back into our body, back into the present moment,
back into balance. Wise teachers through the ages have observed that the moment between perception and action is where we have the choice not to get hijacked by
our automatic emotional response. That pause to breathe gives us a choice
about how we respond.

In fact, if you want to change your relationship with your child, this is one of the most powerful levers you can pull. When you start to lash out, for any reason, just Stop. Drop your agenda (just for the moment.) Breathe. If you can calm yourself down before you respond to your child, you’ll find that the entire interaction is different. Soon, you’ll find that your relationship with your child has been completely transformed.

Today, I encourage you to stop and breathe throughout your day. Every time you’re
upset. When you find yourself in traffic. When anyone in your house begins a
meltdown. (Especially you.)

Sometimes when we bring more mindfulness to our bodies, we begin to release stored-up tears. If this happens for you, welcome those tears. You’re bringing more spaciousness to your life by healing those old hurt places.

Breathing seems so simple that you may find it hard to believe its power. But as Sam
I Am said about Green Eggs and Ham, “Try it, try it, and you may!”

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Dr Laura Markham


Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. Laura trained as a Clinical Psychologist, but she’s also a mum, so she translates proven science into the practical solutions you need for the family life you want.