Is beauty really that important? The inherent flaw in a society focused on beauty

There is an inherent flaw in our society that is becoming more and more apparent, and more and more dangerous. You may have noticed that we live in a society that values beauty. Most people aspire to be more beautiful, not ok with how they look. To counter this, some movements have started giving the message, “You are beautiful, no matter how you look”. The inherent flaw with this idea is that it is still putting all the focus on beauty. I think it is time for a radically new way of thinking – one that puts things back into perspective.

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When you are trying to decide on what you are going to eat, you don’t think, “I’ll have this because it is at 23 degrees.” You may decide to have something hot or cold, but you also take into account (among other aspects) how healthy it is, how long it will take before you can eat it and most importantly, whether or not you like it. Similarly, you didn’t choose the girlfriend, husband, etc. based only on how they look. The same is true of other people choosing you. Judging yourself on how good you look is like choosing your food by its temperature. Just like food has other aspects, you have a personality that influences how often you smile, how kind you are…compassionate, appreciative, angry, easy to get on with… the list goes on. Granted, first impressions are important, but so are the following ones.

I believe it’s time you started taking your focus off whether or not you are ‘beautiful’ and putting it on some of the other aspects that make you human. Who cares what your hair looks like, as long as you are charming? (And if you don’t believe me, imagine a scowling, miserable, nagging bride in a beautiful dress and an expensive hair-do. Beautiful, yes – but would you be congratulating the groom?)

The greatest enemy in our fight against this emphasis on beauty is the voice inside our mind – our inner critic. It’s the voice inside your mind that is constantly there, from waking ‘til sleeping and is constantly judging, commanding, advising, commenting on your life – your decisions. It’s the voice you have conversations with. If you can’t hear it, it’s maybe because you have identified so closely with it, that you think it is you thinking. It isn’t. You are the one listening. Once you have identified it, you will realise that it is constantly telling you that it thinks you are not beautiful enough, what your flaws are, how (un) likely you are to succeed. Without getting a grip on that voice, you can never be confident. You can never accept that people will judge you, not on how you look, but on a myriad of other factors over which you have much more control.Screen Shot 2015-12-03 at 10.15.44 am

So how do you eliminate the inner critic? Bad news? You can’t. Good news? You don’t have to – it’s there to help you (even if it has misunderstood its job description).

Here are 5 steps to getting out from under the grip of your inner critic. If you’re a teacher, teach these to your students.

Identify it. Hear it. Notice it.

You cannot become free of the grip of your inner critic if you cannot identify it. The other steps rely on this step.

Personalise it.

Give it a name, a face, a weird voice, an attitude… this may sound like asking you to become crazy, but you are already having conversations with yourself… this is just making the relationship official.

Make it not personal.

Currently when you think, you probably often hear something like, “This won’t work.” The third step is to change that sentence to, “My inner critic doesn’t think this will work.”

What are its motives?

Ask it why it is giving you this advice. It is trying to protect you from harm, so thank it for that then let it know you will be OK this time.

Reduce the importance.

You can remove the critic from the scene (physically or in your imagination), collect the advice and dump it, do weird things to the voice (like make it go far away or distorted beyond recognition) or turn down the volume using the dial in your mind. However you decide to do it, make that voice less important than the other (quieter) voice that knows you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Take control of your inner critic and give yourself the space to develop your confidence and do what you want to, thereby taking charge of your life.

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Karen