One evening, a friend of mine came to me after a gruelling week at work. She had to give some negative feedback to one of her employees and was upset with how personally he took the news. She said to me, “I just talked to him about some things that needed to change, but he really doesn’t take criticism very well.” While that could be the case, it is likely that the problem was actually in the delivery.
You can be as tactful as possible with what you say verbally, but if you’re not
using the correct non-verbal communication,there’s a high likelihood that it will encourage high emotions in the other person, and they will take the negative message personally. So what can you do to ensure that the listener is able to tackle negative news with less emotion and that you’re able to evoke positive emotion when it helps your message? The secret is all in the eye contact.
Two-point Communication
When a teacher is communicating, those students who are listening will most likely look where the teacher is looking. When the communication involves eye contact, the pupils are looking at the teacher because she is looking at the class. Eye contact is referred to as two-point communication because there are two parties involved in the communication: the teacher and the students. Two-point communication is interpersonal in that the relationship between the parties is accessed. Two-point communication increases the emotions inside the parties who are looking at each other. This is true whether the emotions are positive or negative and whether the teacher is doing management or teaching.
Three-point Communication
Since the students follow the teacher’s eyes, once she has the class’ attention, the class will look where she directs her eyes. If the teacher looks at the board, the class will follow her lead and look at the board also. Since the two parties, namely the teacher and the students, are looking at a third point, the communication is referred to as a three-point communication. Three-point communication is not as personal as two-point communication. Three- point communication is less emotional than two-point communication because the focus is on the issue level of the communication instead of the relationship level.
As teachers, we have been over trained in direct eye contact (two points). It’s time to branch out and become a master of three-point communication as well! If the interaction you’re having is positive, it’s okay to make eye contact; if it’s negative, it’s better to employ a third point. So the next time you have to deliver negative news or talk about an issue that’s occurring, try using three-point communication. You’ll be surprised at how receptive your listeners becomes and relieved at the lack of defensiveness that is fostered by this handy trick!