Watching the recently screened TV program Bullied to Death: The Tragedy of Phoebe Prince several thoughts came to mind.
This scenario is no doubt played over and over throughout the schools in many countries: New female student arrives at a school, leaving behind friends at a previous school. At first the student is popular, perhaps because of a novelty factor. Then the girl is seen as a competitor for the popular boys of the school. The perpetrators join forces to threaten and punish the victim.
Without intervention this can be an ongoing barrage – deliberate, calculated, purposeful.
Phoebe Prince hung herself, after the ongoing verbal assault over many months became intolerable.
A similar scenario occurred at the school when I was deputy principal. The new 11-year-old girl arrived – very attractive and bubbly – and at first was welcomed into the group of popular girls. The friendship and the subsequent behaviour of all of the girls deteriorated to what could only be called a cat fight with physical abuse escalating.
The teacher was unable to resolve the issue and parents became involved.
I used an intervention called the Solving Circle from Dr Glasser’s book Choice Theory: A New Psychology for Personal Freedom. First negotiating with the girls individually to invite their commitment to work it out, we then met as a group to talk about whose behaviour we can control and change. Agreeing that it was up to each individual to manage their own behaviour, they each agreed to do two things to improve the friendship.
The long-term results of the intervention: The girls involved in the whole situation at school are still friends. The Solving Circle had lasting impact.
In the TV program, there was blaming, criticism and calls for punishment of the bullies and of the education staff. Legislation was introduced involving the mandatory reporting of bullying. Nowhere in the article was there any thought given to the system and how a school can help students learn to resolve differences.
Until schools change their system to one where issues like this are worked out, bullying will continue and unhappy students may take the ultimate choice of taking their own lives.