Using the Make it Right Formula
In the same way that the soil has to be rich and fertile to grow into strong, healthy plants, so do the relationships in students’ lives need to be fertile to raise strong, contributing human beings in society.
It is critical to have relationships that work inside and outside of school. Administrators and teachers, caretakers and teachers, caretakers and students, parents and staff are all critical for nurturing young minds and setting examples. Mirror neurons, in working the minds of our students, are noticing all interactions and mimicking what they see. Children do not just mimic what they see on the media or on their devices but what they see adults doing and saying. They also mimic our way of being. We are their role models. As adults inside a school, most children see more of us than of their families in the run of a day. So, our role modelling is critical!
Children are also inventing what they don’t see, but need to see modelled such as restoring hard feelings. We all have experienced hard feelings inside a relationship. And we need to model for children how we restore those relationships, such as making things right with a colleague. The time teachers spend problem solving recess feuds would be a lot less if the students used a few simple but life-changing tools, such as the Make it Right Formula.
“Make it Right Formula”
So many adults are insisting students apologise, and when they do, it is very inauthentic. The Make it Right Formula works much better. It is best for these social and emotional skills to be learned in a workshop. For example, in our workshops, with the, “Make it Right Formula,” participants learn four steps to powerfully restore relationships that are not working as well as they would like. Whether they are caused from a simple misunderstanding, an intentional or unintentional comment, a slight or something more severe such as public humiliation, this formula works.
For students, this might involve bullying, humiliating, alienating, fighting, tattling and more. Recently, a year three student learning the, “Make it Right Formula,” said, “You mean we can be friends again after making a mistake?” This is revolutionary work both for children and adults!
Since it is critically important to nurture relationships both inside and outside of school, to support student growth, we need a way to make things right after a misunderstanding, breakdown in communication or anything else we do to sabotage relationships as humans. The “Make it Right Formula helps restore relationships. Role modelling the formula is essential so students learn how to restore relationships and move forward.
What is the one critical thing we need to do before problem solving with someone? Before we can start problem solving, we must lower the emotions to a state of relative calm. Here is a strategy that will do just that.
Through Your Lenses
Perspective training allows people to understand and reflect back upon someone’s emotional state so they feel heard and understood. With the exercise, “Through Your Lenses,” participants learn how to respond rather than react. When one can genuinely see a situation from another point of view and express that through language, the emotional temperature in the listener drops. Then a space is created for the speaker to state his/her point of view. From there, solutions can be created.
For example, when an upset teacher approaches another teacher with a problem they want solved, the listener needs to view the request through the lens of the upset person and reflect back what they hear and their feelings about it. This can include their concern and/or their commitment. Do this until they feel understood and are able to calm down. That creates a space for the listener/reflector to communicate their point of view. Only then can problem solving begin.
Just like in a very hot classroom on a summer day, at a point where the teacher and students can’t think anymore because of the heat, when the emotional temperature is too high, people can’t problem solve. When people are emotionally upset the thinking part of the brain, the frontal cortex, is out of commission. This is because the survival part of the brain, the amygdala, is in full gear. Bring the emotional temperature down first and then seek to solve the problem.
Adults must learn simple but radical ways to restore relationships and bring down emotional states. We must also teach our students essential social and emotional skills. Nurture the soil (relationships) at your school. Make the soil rich for raising strong, healthy students so they can reach their potential and soar!
