Maintaining Nurture and Structure to Create a Learning Environment

Creating Rules That Develop Long Term Relationships

At the beginning of a school year, you have the greatest opportunity to develop a classroom culture that sets you and your students for a great learning year.

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As humans we know that we cannot learn unless our needs are met and our thinking brain is engaged. As you know, if students are worried, anxious, fearful, stressed or scared, then they will not be able to be in the space to learn just as it is if they are hungry, thirsty or tired. The same is true of you in your role as teacher.

Create the space to build relationships and connection between you and your fellow teachers, administration, support staff and with your students, as well as between the students themselves.

Let’s draw a map of all those you need to build a relationship with:

Start with you in the middle. Who do you know already that you need to connect
with and catch up with from last year?
Who is new that you need to develop a new relationship with? Who did you have a difficult relationship with last year? What can you do about starting off on a better foot this term?

Now let’s think more about the nature of the communication and interactions you have, particularly with your students:

What is nurture?

Nurture is the soft side of care.

This is the way we show others that we care about them as human beings – our warmth, attention, support, recognition, response and encouragement. We know that students learn better when they feel they have a warm relationship with their teacher.

What we are actually doing is demonstrating that we acknowledge their right to exist, to be here, to be human and
to have their needs met. Nurture helps students (actually, everyone!) to feel sure of themselves and enhances their sense of self.

There are two types of appropriate nurturing care: assertive care and supportive care.

Assertive care is when the teacher judges the student’s need for care, support and opportunities to learn when the student cannot meet those needs by themselves. Assertive care, for example, is you being clear that the pre-school and primary school students will hold each other’s hand to walk across the road.

Supportive care enables growth of the student. The teacher acknowledges and assists when asked, and if you see a student
is struggling a little and you ask if they need help – they have the choice to say yes or no. You do not force your help on them if they say no. (As long as the student’s no is a safe response.) We can, however, think we are providing supportive care, but we are not.

These behaviours are Abuse, Neglect, Conditional Care and Overindulgence.

Abuse is harsh contact or physical invasion, such as shaking, hard hitting and sexual touch. It can also be non-physical, such as humiliation, ridicule, threats, sexual innuendo and laughing at pain.

Neglect ignores the needs of a student and is a passive form of abuse. Teachers may be too busy to pay attention. You must be fully present to your students.

Conditional Care is where the care is conditional on the student earning it by making the teacher look good or other explicit or implicit demands.

Overindulgence is a tricky form of inappropriate care as it gives more to the student than they need and meets the needs of the teacher but undermines the confidence and competence of the student.

I have added these negative types of “Nurture” because sometimes we discount our own behaviour and then we wonder why our classroom is not working as it should.

To build a positive learning classroom and community, we can:

  • Recognise when we are in need of support and be able to ask for it.
  • Recognise when you are in need of support, caring for yourself and being kind to yourself.
  • Knowing the difference between assertive care and supportive care.
  • Recognising when your students are in need of assertive care or supportive care.What is structure?

    Structure is the boundary side of care, the firm side of how to care. It provides the rules that help students, teachers and the school community live well together and support each other. If rules are floppy we cannot trust them, just like we cannot trust a piece of playground equipment if it bends. You cannot tell what is safe and what is not safe.

    Structure provides reasonable rules that are consistently enforced, which in turn, builds mastery of skills. The rules are based on the values of the school community and provide the clarity and surety that learners can trust.
    There are two types of appropriate Structure Care which need to be updated and refreshed depending on the age and stage of the learners. These create workable ways to ensure safety and set boundaries for teachers, students and the wider school community.

    Non-Negotiable rules are helpful to make learners feel safe
    and secure. These are rules that must be observed and are enforced with appropriate consequences, both negative when breached and positive when followed. These rules are often thought through by the school body first, taking into account the learning needs of the students. These rules can be rewritten for the welfare of the school community. For example, if the school rule says that students may not consume alcohol on school premises, the underlying message that the students hear is that their welfare and safety are important, the school community expects them to be law abiding citizens and that the school will be responsible and enforce the rules.

    Negotiable Rules are also helpful because they teach students to think and evaluate information. It enables them to learn that their choices have consequences. It also provides students with a learning opportunity to express different opinions, negotiate and to be increasingly responsible for themselves.

    However, there are times when we behave unhelpfully about rules. The research is saying that this is making our learners anxious and unsafe. The four ways we can respond to rules in an unhelpful manner are: Rigidity, Criticism, Marshmellowing and Abandonment.

    Rigidity is where the rule is supposedly for the welfare of students and usually consists of old rules, or those written for someplace else. They ignore the current state. It is often a threat of abuse or withdrawal of respect in order to enforce compliance.

    Criticism labels a person with negative names instead of describing the preferred behaviour and the breach. It negates the student and often is displayed as ridicule and invites contempt from others.

    Marshmellowing is where rules are made but the rule is bent time and time again. It gives permission to be irresponsible and not accountable. It is often for the benefit of the teacher as the teacher does not have to cope with the disappointed, irate student or parent. The student will often feel good in the short term because they are off the hook. In the long run though, the student will not be able to trust the teacher or themselves to act responsibly.

    Abandonment is where the teacher is not available to the student and so the rules are ignored. This also is lack of protection.

    Again, being able to recognise what you might tend to do when pushed and it are uncomfortable will assist you in maintaining your Structure Care.

    To build a good learning classroom and community, we can:

    • Know that it is important to have rules and consequences for them.
    • Ensure you have support when you need to address a breach of the rule.
    • Know the difference between the different types of Structure Care.
    • Recognise when your students are in need of non-negotiable rules and negotiable rules.So, take the long term view when it comes to maintaining Nurture and Structure.

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Madeleine Taylor


Madeleine Taylor is a parent of three grown sons and works as a People Skills Consultant. Madeleine is an accomplished workshop facilitator and long-time trainer of negotiation, influencing skills and managing difficult
conversations. Madeleine is a parent educator exploring how to grow resilient children in this complex world. She also is the coauthor of “The Business of People - Leadership for a changing world.” Published 2020.
Madeleine can be contacted at: madeleine@peopleskillsconsulting.co.nz