Finding the Positives in Being Vulnerable
Oops, I made a mistake today. Another one, again!
Will I ever get it perfect?
And if so, please tell me when?
Perfect is an illusion
And we’re better when we’re real, So embrace learning through our mistakes,
And failure is no longer an ordeal.
Brene Brown talks about learning to embrace our vulnerability and stand in the arena, allowing all of ourselves to be seen. This is a challenge when we are teaching because we are in a very public arena most of the time. Our successes are visible and it can feel that our failures are even more so, which can lead us to pursuing perfection, in order to avoid feeling the shame of our mistakes. But in the long run, it actually does us damage.
I have learned to embrace my mistakes, to share them with my students, colleagues and family.
I feel it is important for the children I’m
• lucky to work with that I help normalise mistake making.
Thankfully, that is pretty easy, as I
make a lot of mistakes! When I say or do something that is wrong, I apologise. I ask
for help or advice. It’s not always easy,
but if I want the children I teach to own
their behaviour, I’d better step up and
own mine. When I make a mistake with
some work that we are doing again, I own • up to it and we celebrate the learning opportunity. When I set a learning • opportunity up that fails, I own it and
debrief with my class and my colleagues.
It means we get to learn from this and can
do better next time.
Here is a small collection of tips for embracing the vulnerability of failure:
• Fail Early, Fail Often, But Always Fail Forward (John C Maxwell)
Using our failures as stepping stones to build up from is a powerful way to learn. When we mess up, we need to own it and do the learning. Beware of wallowing or trying to cover up
as that takes valuable energy. Feel the feelings, for sure, but don’t stay
in defeat for too long or you risk losing the positive benefits from the experience.
Art of Apology
When you make a mistake and it hurts someone else, learn to apologise. This apology needs to be sincere and avoiding of blame or excuses, whilst seeking to fix things if possible. They may choose to accept your apology or not. That isn’t your journey but working to put it right by owning up is.
- I am Human
- I am human. I am imperfect and that
is OK. Our imperfections help us be wonderfully interesting, authentic
people that are loved and respected. - By being human we allow others to
be human, too. - Listen to Feedback
- Be open to feedback. This can be hard and even hurtful, especially when • it challenges our perfectionist self
image, but this can be a powerful • opportunity for growth. Be selective
with the feedback you take on board, make sure the person delivering it is doing so in order to help you. - Unreasonable Expectations Need to be Banished
- Reality check: Are the expectations of yourself realistic? Would you expect the same thing from a good friend or a colleague? If not, then cut yourself some slack, accept your humanness, learn from your failures and become a better human.
Release your creativity and imagination
When we are prepared to be vulnerable, then we are more likely to take risks, which often lead to greater creativity. When we release expectations of perfection, we allow our brain space and time to imagine and create. It can be a wonderful sense of freedom.
Everyone Fails
It may not be what is posted on social media feeds. It isn’t likely to be the thing we hear shouted from the rooftops, and I am not sure there are many positive awards for failing, but everyone fails in some way at some time, no matter how charmed their life may seem. We are all a work in progress.
We can change the dialogue. We can make it normal to be beautifully vulnerable. We can get out there and take risks. Some days we’ll succeed, others we’ll fail. Either way, we’ll be OK and
the people we work with are likely to be better for it, too. It’s just one way to create a rich learning environment that is safer and happier for us all.