How to Help the Overwhelmed Find the Calm
As a mother, daughter, sister, friend and wife, together with being a teacher for over 30 years, you could say maintaining a balance is a juggling act. I’m not alone.
So, what of my life balance between school and home over the years?
Like other working parents, I have enjoyed some fantastic, fabulous, fascinating, funny and…fortunate weeks but this can be in contrast to the frenetic, furious, forlorn, frightening and… frustrating days, for weeks at a time when I was left floundering and fighting to manage my stress levels.
Extended periods of heightened and unmanaged stress can be compounded over time. Here, I share some of my tried and tested strategies, which were necessary when I needed to look after myself. I acted only after feeling boxed in a corner and having physical symptoms due to an unmanageable anxiety that took over when I was 48 years old. My big trigger was a personal one, the death of my father, but I needed to hold it together not just for myself but to serve my family, teach students and to work well with my colleagues.
I felt I had boxed myself into a corner and something needed to change. It was I who needed to change priorities. It was very difficult to make a commitment to a new routine of a daily 15- minute meditation routine. Being in that corner, I had no choice but to see if it was worth it.
As Einstein said:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.”
It was I who had to change.
If you’re like me, you might not always make time for self-care, so I created a list of the apps and routines which, when implemented within a ‘space’ I made for myself, made a positive difference to how I felt:
To explain, my ‘space’ was created when I started to politely say ‘no’ to others when I felt I had nothing else to give or when what they were asking was not important or reasonable. I believe in the effectiveness of respectful sharing ‘personal policies’ to explain some change, particularly if it affected others and their routines. Saying something such as, ‘I have a personal policy of not befriending parents on social media platforms for it to work for me. It’s complicated,’ works well. Others can’t really argue with a ‘personal policy,’ can they?
Disclaimer: The following strategies are suggestions. See your personal physician if your health is ailing. I share these ideas in the spirit of helping others and in the belief that if more of us spoke about mental health, there would be more inclination to help ourselves and others without stigma.
Routines and practices: Try a few easier changes to make a start. These are not listed in priority order.
Plan to:
• Breathe in deeply, hold for 3 seconds and breathe out slowly for 5 seconds. Repeat. This is my favourite. I build up to progress to a hold for 15 seconds and exhale over 5 seconds. Beautiful!
• Go to sleep at the same time every night.
• Walk along a beach or in nature.
• Drink less coffee and alcohol.
• Drink more water. Sparkling mineral water feels like a treat!
• Drink relaxing herbal teas.
• Eat slowly and mindfully, enjoying tastes and textures.
• Eat less, of everything, especially sugar and avoid eating at night.
• Seek a psychologist about issues if needed. I am now mindful of my ‘unhelpful thoughts.’
• Go and see a movie by yourself. Just try it if you doubt it will relaxing!
• Turn off your mobile phone and avoid social media late at night.
• Keep your phone out of your bedroom. Recharge it in another room.
• Buy an inexpensive digital alarm if you use your phone to wake up.
• Cook a new dish. Ask a friend to suggest an easy favourite recipe. It’s usually a winner!
• Enjoy a bubble bath.
• Go for a drive and listen to an audiobook to ‘get away’ from stressors. • Watch a few programs at night, but avoid the temptation of late night online streaming marathons.
• Go for a massage/physio/osteopath/ chiropractic treatment or anything along those lines that feels good afterwards
• Try a yoga for beginners class.
• Take time for a swim and stretch.
Helpful Apps:
As my sleep was affected when I was unwell, I tried guided hypnosis. The positive difference it made to my sleep quality was amazing.
• Glenn Harrold (Guided meditation and sleep hypnosis)
• Omvana (Many different guided meditations. I started with a 6 Phase free guided meditation)
• Calm (Relaxation, sleep and meditation
• Mindfulness (Free Audio Guides)
I hope that these ideas will serve you well when needing to managing stress. They work for me!