Saying What You Want Without Causing Conflict

“I do so much more than her and yet we get the same pay!”

“How do some people just cruise and still get by while the rest of us cover for them?”

To read the full article, members please log in here. To subscribe please click here.

All of us have probably been in a similar situation and have thought or said comments like these when working closely with other people. The conditions have been ripe for conflict and arguments possibly due to differing opinions, personality differences, inequity in roles or power, misunderstanding of meaning or a range of other factors. It may have been as simple as being tired, hungry or unwell. Conflict can occur at any time and be caused by a number of reasons. We are all guilty of saying what we think and then wishing we hadn’t said it!

Often, in the education sector, part of the position criteria is to be a team player to work toward common goals. This common goal is the children, their education and the support of families and the community in general. So, it follows that if a common goal has been established, then team work is important. As we know, when working in a busy school environment, individuals have to support each other and at times, need to step in and back up a colleague who may be busy dealing with an issue that needs immediate attention.

There are differences between a group and a team, each serving different purposes. A ‘group’ is individuals who work together but have their own tasks. Each person’s task contributes to the end product, but they’re working independently. Think of people on an assembly line, each completing their own task but contributing to an end product.

A ‘team’ is individuals who look at the big picture. Each person is working independently but collaboratively toward a joint outcome. The team understands that they have personal and team goals, and they support each other to get to that end point. Teams are a group of people cooperating with each other to work toward achieving a set of aims, objectives or goals, while considering the personal needs and interests of individuals. Think of a sporting team where all players are aiming for their personal best and overall success for everyone involved.

When we work together toward common g o a l s w i t h a c o m m o n v i s i o n a n d philosophy, groups of people evolve into teams of people but only under effective leadership. Leadership style is an important part of developing a successful team. It needs to be a holistic approach. Leadership that acknowledges strengths, values individual contributions, demonstrates trust and doesn’t micromanage builds confident teams.

There are six distinct stages of group development that also apply to team development. Google can supply many different labels for the stages of group and team development, but I tend to like the following ones. I have seen these stages in schools, classrooms, leadership ‘teams,’ business organisations and sporting ‘teams.’ You may have heard of them: forming, storming, norming, performing, adjourning, mourning. They look a little like this:

Forming is when people first get together in a group and swap phone numbers, names: basically, a general meet-and-greet. Everything is pleasant, everything is great, there is enthusiasm and everyone becomes friends!

Storming occurs when that honeymoon period of forming wears off and people start to say what they really think without filtering it first. They are still thinking of themselves as an individual, and they start to put their own ideas forward with varying levels of acceptance from others. There may be resistance, or there may be two leaders in the group who both want to lead. This can lead to conflict within the group.

Norming develops as people get past that conflict and they go into a state of normalcy. Individuals start to feel as though they are part of a cohesive unit. It starts to feel a bit more like a team with a common goal and trust is beginning to develop. The realisation that if other people’s viewpoints are accepted and an effort is made to work with people, rather than trying to clash with them, (as they were doing in the storming) then the goal can be reached in a much more effective and efficient method.

Performing is evident when the outcome is reached, and the product is demonstrated, or the project is completed. The hierarchy within the team is of little importance, because everybody has contributed and worked together toward a common goal.

Adjourning happens when a project is finalised. After working on it for a period of time the team members finally realise that the project is finished and suddenly it is all over.

Mourning behaviours and feelings of loss arise because the weekly or daily team meetings and working toward a common goal has come to an end. The sense of belonging begins to dissipate and a sense of loss replaces it. Potentially, it is quite a difficult period for the team members after the project has finished.

The collaborative nature of working in a team satisfies many of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, such as the sense of belonging, security, sense of worth, respect, creativity and intellectual stimulation to name a few. Teamwork can be a fulfilling experience once we understand the natural flow and go with it rather than against it.

Nurturing teams in the workplace is time well spent in any organisation. Understanding the value and importance of acknowledging the efforts and abilities of colleagues and staff builds respect, confidence and loyalty. It’s in everyone’s best interests to be a team player to build strong, calm, productive and happy work places where we don’t hear, “I do so much more than her and yet we get the same pay!”

Related Posts

Fostering Wonderment and Awe in the Classroom

Fostering Wonderment and Awe in the Classroom

Back to School

Back to School

Navigating Challenging Conversations

Navigating Challenging Conversations

How Artificial Intelligence Augments Biological Intelligence

How Artificial Intelligence Augments Biological Intelligence

Dr Kathy Murray


Dr Kathy Murray has a 34 - year background in education and is the founder of Training and Education Services. Kathy also works with business owners and leaders to
support the development of skills in emotional intelligence, leadership,
communication and team building. She speaks locally, nationally and internationally on a range of topics including brain science and
behaviours. Dr Kathy Murray can be contacted by email: kathy@trainingandedservices.com.au