Are You Burned Out?
Have you reached a point in your life where you feel that your ‘care factor’ seems to be evaporating? You go through the motions, but somehow the stuff of life that you know is really sad, the stuff that used to move you to tears, now struggles to find its way in to your heart.
Once, you used to ‘personal project’ each and every child and family who came into your room. Every story lived in your heart and guided your hand and your head. The sorrows and joys of the child and the family were as much your own as they were theirs. And then, the years wore on and there were just so many children and so many stories and so much to do, to understand, and to be, that somehow, that well of compassion that you thought was bottomless started to
dry up.
You’re Not Alone
There is some comfort to be taken from knowing that you are not alone. Many who are drawn to caring professions are those who lead with their hearts and really want to make a difference. It’s easy to sort the true empaths from those just doing a job simply by looking around and seeing who is serving on committees, leading, working parties, or volunteering for just one more position to help yet another child or family to engage with their education.
My guess is that you have always been that person right from childhood. The child who sat with the new kid at school, who gave up time after class to help the teacher, who really struggled to say, “No.” Hang on, let’s put that in present tense. The child who is still struggling to say, “No.”
Empathy, Compassion and Burnout
Did you know that empathy and compassion are different? Whilst empathy might continue, it’s compassion that takes a beating over time. This is called compassion
Fatigue. High levels of empathy give us windows of insight into the journey of
another. The addition of compassion means that positive, affirmative and healing action will be taken to change or impact in some way that journey.
For many teachers, there’s a struggle to add conditions and limits to compassion.
What are the conditions you put around your giving and compassion? If the answer is that you have no conditions to your compassion, this is the likely equation to that question:
Empathy + Compassion – Conditions = Fatigue and Burnout
Luckily, most of us empaths do get fair warning when we’re approaching burnout.
Feelings of resentment and guilt can cause lots of noise in the head and heart. The noise is there for a reason and listening is highly recommended, but not always acted upon.
Setting Healthy Boundaries Around Compassion
Altruism is the quality of the truly beautiful human, but it is one that can get used up with little gratitude, can be overlooked and even taken for granted. The only person who can change that is you. Here are some simple ways you can start to care for yourself, to be self-compassionate, in order that you may continue to shine your light brightly.
Know your value: The gratitude and recognition of others for sharing the room
in your heart so graciously is wonderful, but if that’s what drives you, you’re never
going to feel like you can be or give enough. Right now, take a moment to quietly
recognise your value, your contribution and congratulate yourself. Try doing
that every day.
Learn to say, “No”: It’s hard, very hard, but people will appreciate you more if
you sometimes have to say not this time. By doing this, you’re also modelling the ultimate compassion: self-compassion. It really is ok to say, “I simply can’t take that on right now, but I can help you to find someone who can.” This is so difficult the first time, and so liberating when you learn the art.
Ritualise letting go: Carrying the emotional baggage of others is most likely your trademark. So, how do you step away from it and give yourself some emotional
distance? What can you do as you step out of the school every day to cut the emotional ties with that day, and create some space for your own thoughts, feelings and wishes? Whether it’s washing your hands to shake away the day, taking a moment of mindfulness, or the chanting of a mantra as you open the car door, choose something and do it ritually to signal to your brain the closing of the compassion compartment for just a little while.
Plan time out: What do you have planned that you’re looking forward to? It fills your emotional bucket when you plan something that’s simply about you. Put it out there on your calendar, look forward to it, anticipate the joy of caring for yourself. Make sure to do it often.
Find a mentor: Everyone needs an accountability partner, a shoulder, an
ear, a voice of calm and wisdom. Do you have one? There’s much power in having
someone outside of your own experience to gently nudge you when you’re about to say, ‘yes.’or to tell you to go home and let go of your day. Find that person and be that person for another.
You’re Important Too
Compassion burnout is a real thing, and it can impact your physical and mental
health. Your compassion is a gift: one that you, yourself, should stop, open and
experience too. I’ll finish with the wise words of Buddha, something to reflect on
and remember: “You can search throughout the entire world for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and attention.”