I’ll never forget that day driving my seven-year old daughter to school. Watching her face contort with sadness, her eyes fill with tears, her voice pleading for my help with what seemed like her whole being. “Please help me mummy, I want to talk. My words get stuck. What should I do? Can you make me talk?”
It had been two months since we moved and she started a new school. She had not spoken a word there for exactly that same length of time.
At first, when the teacher told me that she wasn’t talking, I wasn’t overly concerned. She’s always been shy. I assumed this was part of the adjustment period. Otherwise, she was thriving. At home, she talked nonstop!
We tried pushing her to talk in school. Being cross, we explained it was silly and rude. We tried being gentle and encouraging. We tried telling her she was adjusting and that
when she was ready, she would talk. We tried to explain to her how much more fun
school could be. Nothing worked. As time went on, we realised it was more. None of us knew what to do.
I had so many questions. Should I take her to a doctor? Had the school experienced this before with another student? Is it an actual thing? Does she need a child psychologist?
How can I fix this?
I started researching. It became evident she had Selective Mutism, or “SM” for short. Here’s a snippet of what I learned and how schools can help:
· SM is a recognised anxiety disorder, that presents in certain situations. It prevents a child from being able to talk in that moment, even if they want to, due to a psychobiological response. Their sympathetic nervous system activates the fear reflex: the fight or flight response. If there’s no escape, they freeze. Their heart pounds, body stiffens, face is fixed and expressionless. Their throat tightens and for a moment they cannot move or speak.
· Most kids suffering from SM exhibit at schools. Low level SM children speak only when necessary. High level SM children do not speak at all to certain people. Shy children may be worried about speaking out loud; SM children are terrified. It can come as a shock to those parents if their child speaks everywhere else!
· Contrary to popular belief, the majority of children affected by SM have not experienced morbid trauma.
· SM affects less that 1% of children worldwide, mostly girls.
· Over 90% of SM children suffer from anxiety.
A handful of behaviours are similar to autistic behaviours, such as intolerance for loud noise.
SM children do not just grow out of it. To consistently be expected to talk without appropriate support leads to an increase in fear around talking and a decrease in self-esteem, due to feelings of disappointment and disapproval. They need explanation, guidance and reassurance. Unresolved SM can lead to horrendous anxiety, self-harm and depression.
Work with the parents to implement a plan. SM is so scary for parents. Feeling helpless is commonplace. They need to know you are part of the team. There are many techniques that can be tried. For instance, our school is implementing the sliding-in technique.
· Consistency is vital. Anxiety reduces when the child feels safe. If you can’t dedicate a teacher’s aide to a child for at least a year, ask the parents if they can step in to help.
· Where applicable, include any third-party professionals assigned to the child. My daughter attends an anxiety clinic. Both the school and anxiety clinic are aware of the plans being implemented in both settings.
· Trying to force a child to speak can be traumatising. I’ve heard from parents whose children were told to ask out loud to go to the toilet, only to have them wet themselves in front of the whole class. · The majority want to be involved in activities. They need to be able to be involved without the expectation to talk. Many can whisper to a friend, signal or write instead. Exclusion equals isolation.
· Regression is part of SM. If you get the right technique, children can overcome SM in a year, with monitoring to continue for the next two to three years.
The truth is, this condition is so rare even the majority of professionals are at a loss as how to adequately help. Parents have to do their own research, hope for understanding and third-party support. Accessible educational information and a holistic approach are key. For a more comprehensive guide and a plethora of suggested techniques, I highly recommend, “The Selective Mutism Resource Manual – Second Edition,” by Maggie Johnson & Alison Wintgens.