Do you remember your childhood monster? The one that lay in waiting under the bed, urging you to get up and go to the toilet so it could grab you, torture you and finally eat you alive? Mine was dark blue, had 20 eyes and several long, spindly arms that reached up so far, I had to lie exactly in the middle of the bed to avoid getting dragged under to certain death. Do you remember it lurked and hid in shadows, under your bed, in the closet, or silently slid around the room so you could never know where it would be?
Fear is like that monster. It is powerful, mighty, has influence, and knows you better than you know yourself. Not only does it know your conscious thoughts, your likes and dislikes, but it also knows your innermost desires and what will stop you from doing anything at all. And it, funnily enough, has no fear. No conscience, nothing it won’t do to stay alive. If you want proof of this, try looking for it, identifying it, elucidating it, finding and shining the bright light of Consciousness on it as I do with my clients. I find it will distract, make excuses, change the subject, point the blame at something else – anything to keep hiding, to not lose the small hold it has.
It is insatiable, longs to grow, to control your whole being and direct your every move, thought and feeling. But the emotions it loves to revel in do not make us feel happy, even if they seem like a good idea at the time: lust, greed, anger – all the emotions we class as ‘negative’ and which are destructive, are Fear’s feeding ground.
Its only weakness, is that the more Fear grows, gains power and gains control of how we feel, think and act, the cockier it becomes, visible. Someone who is very confident and only has a small amount of Fear might not even notice it – might even be able to control it. But the more Fear we feel, the less we can control it and the more it becomes clear that it is in control. Someone who is paralysed by Fear will be well aware of it. Will know it is there. Will know they are not in control. These are the few people who, to the question: “Are you confident?” will answer, “No.”
What would controlling this Fear bring us?
Some symptoms of letting Fear take control include: being bullied, negative emotions (anger, procrastination, hesitation, arrogance, doubt, fear…), paralysis, letting other people dictate what you do, depression, suicide, sickness, being alone and fearing ridicule, rejection, criticism, the unknown, failure…
When you are confident and control Fear, you: do what you choose, talk to the people you would like to talk to (from the guy/ girl you would like to go out with, to the potential employer, to the auditorium filled with people), create opportunities, succeed, feel joy, have friends, see all criticism as constructive, and are happy to be who you want to be, doing the things you want to do.
So if Fear is a monster that feeds on negative thoughts and fear, and if being confident is so much more desirable than letting Fear control us, why do so many people feed this monster so willingly? Horror films, the news, ‘war stories’, focusing on how badly things went, lack of communication, hiding behind the anonymity of the screen… People seem to constantly be looking for monster food. The Fear in our society is so big already, that it has become self-sustaining, growing bigger and bigger every day as it feeds on the growing fear of its individuals. Why do we accept and encourage that? And more importantly, what can we do to stop it torturing us and our students before eating us all alive?
There are many reasons we feel Fear and many things that make us confident. There are many ways to get fear under control and become more confident. Let us look into 3 things we can do without help from St Michael.
The first, and by far most important step, is becoming aware of it. Just noticing that voice at the back of our head constantly telling us we are no good, we will fail, is already enough to want to change it; and wanting to change it is essential in doing so. How can you get to the fridge unless you actually want to get to the fridge? Just realising the pain in your stomach is hunger and that going to the fridge would take the pain away enables you to decide to take the steps which will lead you to eating. Without realising you are hungry, you won’t make the journey to the fridge – or at least not as efficiently.
The second step is, in the words of Susan Jeffers, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” When you notice Fear creeping into your life, your decisions, your actions, take a breath and identify why it is there, whether it is valid (or which parts of it are) and how you are going to cope with it. Then decide whether the better course of action is to continue despite the fear, take further precautions or choose a completely different path. This step is usually easier with someone else. As I wrote above, Fear will very seldom let you find it (and especially overcome it) without putting up a good fight. But it is sometimes possible to shine enough light into the darkness of our subconscious to see where the monster is and what its weakness is.
Finally, constantly focus on your achievements, the times you make it, the things that make you happy and unafraid. This works like Michael’s sword, pouring light into the darkness and beating down the monster one thought at a time, one day at a time.
The same is true of our dealings with students. If we focus on their failings, they lose confidence and learn to feed that monster living simultaneously under their bed and in their subconscious.
Reducing the fear in our lives makes us more confident. Being confident allows our students to achieve more, succeed more, be richer and above all, happier. And I’m sure both you and your children will thank you for being and helping them become more confident.