Many people are scared of failing and do not attempt new tasks and activities for fear of not getting it right. This is crazy. You learn from making mistakes. Often people use excuses to stop them from experiencing failure. Have you ever heard yourself (or people around you) saying something like this?
“Why should I study, I’m going to fail anyway.”
“That boss doesn’t like me. He’ll never give me a pay rise.”
“Why should I do anything my spouse wants? She thinks everything I do is wrong no matter what.”
This negative self-talk is not success talk. People who talk like this often sound tough and act as though they have everything under control. On the inside, their self confidence is usually really low.
In Mark Victor Hansen’s Book The One Minute Millionaire he discusses a SNAP technique for eliminating negative self talk. Simply put a rubber band around you wrist. Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, simply snap the rubber band. Ouch! He suggests you wear the band for 30 days, 24 hours a day. Give it a go. It works.
What is fear?
FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. It is when you think forward to a situation in your mind and see a negative outcome and bring this image back to the present and worry or get fearful about what might happen. It is a false expectation that you created in your head and then have made it seem real.
Anthony Robbins says, “The past does not equal the future.” Just because you failed last year, yesterday, or two minutes ago does not mean you will fail today, tomorrow or on your next attempt.
Sometimes people fear being successful. What will people think? What if my friends don’t like or accept me anymore? It’s called the Tall Poppy Syndrome and is common in New Zealand and Australia, however not so much in America. Here’s an example of how it works:
The American poppy grower goes out to his poppy fields one day and sees a single poppy standing one meter tall among all the other 30 cm poppies. The farmer is excited and rushes over to the poppy and thinks “how can I get all my poppies to grow this tall?”
The New Zealand poppy farmer goes out to his poppy fields one day and sees a single poppy standing one meter tall among all the other 30 cm poppies. The farmer rushes over to the poppy and taking a pair of scissors from his pocket cuts it down.
Success is risky, and it’s also exciting. Dreams don’t come true magically. They usually become a reality slowly through experiences, encouragement from others, examples from people you know or personalities on TV or that you have read about. A way to fast track your goals is to model successful people and find mentors. Successful people love helping other become successful. Just ask.
One of my long-term goals is to learn how to fly a plane. When I travel in smaller planes for work I ask to sit in the “jump seat” behind the pilot in the cockpit. Nearly always they say yes. I am learning how to read the display and the procedures for flying for free. When I get off the plane and tell people I flew in the cockpit I usually get the same response: “How did you get to do that?” My reply: “I asked.”
Find people who have already succeeded at something you want to do. Find role models who have overcome obstacles. Read books about successful people. Watch documentaries about people who have achieved. Take a successful person out for lunch.